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September 21, 2005

Yeah, Well, Your Comeback Sucks

I've never been good in high-pressure situations when it comes to witty banter. It's true, I've gotten quite good at the snarky retort, usually when someone else really puts their foot in it, but I wouldn't say that I just whip out the funny stuff every time I try. In fact, given that I like to think I'm amusing from time to time, my jokes are ever-more-likely to fail than to succeed. This is probably in high correlation with the fact that they are situationally driven, and not everyone sees the humor in the situation the way I do. "What happened to excuse me?" said the grumpy high-schooler as my bag brushed past her on the crowded subway the other day. A valid question, probably, and certainly one I've thought, if not verbalized in quite the same way. But it wasn't really such a big deal, and it was early in the morning. And, quite frankly, I've just turned 28, and I'm not going to take crap from anyone who is at best 10 years my junior, and more than likely half my age. So how does one respond? I turned around slowly and looked down on this girl from intellectual, indignant, moral, and self-perceived heights, as well as from actual height, and looked her in the eye. I delivered my withering blow. "What happened to being nice?" I replied coolly. Being nice? Where did that come from? Why not just say "Your Mama!"?? Now, to be fair, S thought the response was pretty good, speedily delivered, and to the point, defusing this moppet's poor attitude, but there were so many better things to say, not to mention one that immediately bedeviled me upon about 10 seconds' thought: "What happened to moving all the way into the car? What happened to not blocking the door? What happened to decency? What happened to understanding? What happened to your face?' As you can tell, I'm very good at coming back...slowly. But if you make fun of me for it, I'm ready for you. Your Mama!

This was Amusing To Me , and it appeared on September 21, 2005 1:30 AM. | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 5, 2005

Tech Support

I admit it, I'm a bit geekier than most. I am more likely to research my new purchases, learn all that I can about a particular product and ask for knowledgable input from people who seem like they probably know what they're doing. At most stores, then, it makes sense to talk to the employees. After all, they sell these things day in and day out, and while most don't actually build the things they're selling, they know who comes back with returns, which device sells consistently, and one would hope that they actually look into the product a bit. All of which makes it rather frustrating when you ask for assistance and all you get is asinine. A couple of clips: * Looking at a portable DVD player, and asking which one is better: That one because the screen is 0.1 inches larger. [and not, say, because the resolution is better, the manufacturer makes them more durable, the power lasts longer, it has a special feature, blah blah blah.] * Looking at an all-in-one fax/printer/scanner/photo printer: Well this one has more DPIs. (dots per inch). What about faster printing, better quality printing, excellent scanning capacity, vivid color, etc.? * Looking at a DVD burner: This one, because it's the one that people always ask for. And no technical guidance at all? It's not that I necessarily know what I'm looking for myself, but it seems that I should at least get a bit of guidance here. Is that too much to ask?

This was Geekery , and it appeared on September 5, 2005 9:41 AM. | Comments (1) | TrackBack