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There's More of This?

for

October 19, 2004

Tomorrow marks the one month anniversary of This. I’m in total shock.

This.

This? You ask.

This.

This is life at BigFirm, which is really the shorthand we attorneys-in-waiting and attorneys-not-waiting call BigFirmWhoseNameShan’tBeSpokenInFull. It’s not that we can’t, but that after the third or forth Semitic or Protestant name in a row, we start to get dizzy and forgetful, or just fatigued, and besides, while every lawyer can name the first two names of every BigFirm out there, only the ones that are at BigFirm can name the rest of the founding/named partners.

But I’ve already digressed. As I said, tomorrow marks one month of This, and I cannot believe it.

Part of it has to do with what a novice rookie I am at it all—and to be fair, let’s also admit that two weeks were either administrative or jury duty-bound. But the fact is, that I feel like I’m stumbling around without a clue. A sighted man in a very dimly-lit room filled with equal numbers of vats of gold and manure.

And it’s this disequilibrium—if there is such a word, and if there isn’t, its confounding spelling should be a good enough indicator of how you feel when experiencing it—that is at the heart of my problems with This.

I am waiting for the vacation or the dream to be over and to get back to school, or, in the alternative, to finally feel like what I’m doing makes sense. I’m afraid of not ever knowing what I’m doing, of being a newbie-novice forever. And at the same time, as it all becomes familiar, I wonder how or even if, I’ll do this every day for a month, a week, a year.

And then I realize, I’ve come this far, and a month went by like a day.

This was Law , and it appeared on October 19, 2004 10:21 PM.

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